2010 was a year of recognition for me. Never before have I felt that my eyes have been opened to the suffering and sadness that occurs each and every day to loved ones around the world. I have seen patients face the death sentence of stage four cancer, lives wasted in self-destruction and pain, and most tragic of all, loving mothers who have endured the loss of their beautiful babies.
It is absolutely overwhelming to face the reality that all around us, people are enduring horrible loss, tragedies that seem to have no answers. I struggle with asking myself if life is meant to be challenging; a series of struggles to teach us dependence on God in a period on earth that is fleeting. Or is it meant to teach us to find joy, to reach for the beauty of Heaven in the moments that we can? When a memory of happiness at the birth of a beautiful baby girl now lost to her mother becomes all that is left, when laughter and time spent together are gone…are we to look for the joy in the small and simple moments to celebrate life? Or are we to realize that life is…well, just plain hard?
I don’t know the answers. I don’t know how to deal with all the pain I see in others. I don’t know how to at once recognize and feel with others, while finding joy and God in those moments. I want to believe that life is not just meant to be hard to teach us that God is all we can depend on. I want to believe that God wants our time here to be beautiful and full of joy.
But it is hard.
So in this new year, my wish is to find joy. I don’t know if it will be the big moments, the small moments, or even the sad moments, but I am asking for the faith to find it. If anyone out there is struggling as I am, I pray for you to find the joy as well, and if you have found it already, please share the wealth!
Happy new year everyone!